My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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