yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
