she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
