I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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