My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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