He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
