thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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