I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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