wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize