I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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