I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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