My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
