plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
