I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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