While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
