i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
