this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
