im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
