Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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