Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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