Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
