please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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