Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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