You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
