just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have post one night stand depression
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
