direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You are the jesus of drinking
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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