you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
