If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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