My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
