If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
