i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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