I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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