i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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