so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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