i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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