the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
