If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
