I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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