I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
