Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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