How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
