I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
