Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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