I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was born a porn star she said
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
