Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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