just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
