theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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