There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
