chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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