I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
