In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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