Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
