How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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