okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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