Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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