you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
