she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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