At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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