How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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