I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
