Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
