I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize