Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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