I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
