While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
