I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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