Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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