i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
